Parents navigate grief, relief as children leave for college
An Albuquerque social worker encourages empty nesters to rediscover old interests, reconnect with their partners, and give their adult children room to grow
As students across the state begin college, parents are adjusting to quieter homes and grappling with feelings of sadness, loss and change.
Catherine Roth, a licensed master social worker in Albuquerque, offered advice for parents navigating the transition.
Roth suggested parents revisit activities they enjoyed as children and look for interests that once brought them joy, comfort or a sense of wonder. She also encouraged them to focus on their own interests and relationships.
For couples, Roth recommended regular dates and conversations that are not centered on their children. She suggested limiting talk about the kids during dates to create space for partners to reconnect.
Roth also encouraged parents to rest, enjoy their homes and learn to feel comfortable being alone. Parents should not feel guilty if they experience relief alongside sadness, she said.
“Raising a family is difficult in the best of circumstances,” Roth said. “And so, it’s OK to feel relieved when children leave home.”
Parents should also give their adult children room to make independent choices and mistakes, Roth said. Those decisions are part of growing up and are not necessarily a reflection of their parenting.
Family and friends should also support parents during this transition.
“You haven’t lost someone to death, but you have lost a part of your life,” Roth said. “You have lost a stage of life that will never come back. And so, there is loss, and there is grief, and no one can feel that for you, but you can be there with someone.”
Small gestures, including sending a note, offering a hug or inviting someone to a meal, can help parents feel less alone, Roth said. Talking with other empty nesters can also provide reassurance and support.
